I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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