I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
