cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
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he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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