vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
