dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
