Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
