she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
