From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
