It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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