just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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