Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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