I want you more than these girls want KFC
My pussy is not your playground.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
