So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
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I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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