if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
