she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
