Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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