we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
