is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
