Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
