I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
