That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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