I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just gargled with NyQuil
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
