remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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