Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
