my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
