Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
whose parrot is this?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
