I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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