He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
