Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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