Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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