Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
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im holly from the hills drunk
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
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The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family