shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night