He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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