the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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