I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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