I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
