did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
