there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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