I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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