He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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