4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
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Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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