You work out of a Hotel?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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