You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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