i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
