I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize