girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
