You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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