Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
