we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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