planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize