You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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