2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
