I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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