Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
