Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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