that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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