so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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