Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
