the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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