She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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