If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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