You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
