Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
