Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
