Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
how drunk are you?
Several
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
