i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
