he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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