When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
