I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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